There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize