We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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