I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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