if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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