I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
