I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
