you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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