i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jerry, you need to find god
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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