6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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