i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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