feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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