I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
