I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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