Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
