Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
