I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
