how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize