She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
