You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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