you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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