We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I enjoy the company of your penis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
