just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You pole danced in your parka.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you never un-have a 4some
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
