It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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