you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
