hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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