i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My penis needs a shock collar
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
