just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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