I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
