Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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