We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
