The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Everything about him screamed your future.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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