i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
