i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
