i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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