open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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