She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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