i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
