I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
