If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
