what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize