i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
