I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
