I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize