His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
