There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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