Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
