No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hate all girls vehemently.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
