Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
