my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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