hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
