I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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