We won't sleep together?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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