I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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