How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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