Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
