She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize