Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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