Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
