Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
