i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
