2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
