i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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