im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
