just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
