You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
