I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
