White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
