i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
