I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Found the puke drawer
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
