I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
