Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
