Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
