im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
